A little background on myself: I am a Licensed Clinical Therapist, LPC, for the State of Missouri. I have the following degrees: AA in Sociology/Child Development, BS double major in Psychology/Family Sociology/Special Education, and a Master’s in Counseling with Special Education. I have been certified with Theraplay for Attachment with training in trauma-based practices using NMT, TFCBT, and Attachment.

As many of you know, we get into therapy or a career because something in our childhood led us to it. Some of us get into drug counseling because we were addicts or had someone close to us who was an addict. We work in shelters because one saved us, was abused, homeless, or in a children’s division (ward of the state).

In my case, my upbringing presented unique challenges: I was raised by an absentee parent who served as a Naval officer and a mother who experienced significant emotional and past physical trauma. These factors shaped much of my early life and would influence my personal journey.

I had to overcome an abusive marriage, rape, and an eating disorder. Not in that order. I struggled to know who I was. Having a mother who had a mental breakdown when I was seven left me caring for my younger siblings, which was the beginning of my caretaking identity. I continued this with the attitude of “I can do this,” which helped in my lost identity, leading to an eating disorder and identity crisis.

Despite these challenges, I have never regretted my marriage or having my children. I loved them and my life. Over time, I developed coping skills that sustained me for many years. However, I often felt empty and found myself entangled in unhealthy relationships, which signaled that my healing was not complete.

I watched “Run Away Bride” and thought as she sat in front of all the eggs: ” That is so much like me!” I don’t know who I am, which led me to my journey of self-discovery.

My journey was difficult as I identified with co-dependency, toxic relationships, hidden trauma, and unspoken acts. I began to weave together my childhood and understand how my parents’ childhood affected me; how they were raised influenced how I was raised. I also understood it did not have to involve how I raised my children (or what I was going to do, since I was going to do the opposite).

Facing the abusive husband while defending myself as normal was terrifying. Finding out who I was beyond a caretaker, nurturer, and all the expectations people had of me was horrifying. Staying in that place of disappearing became non-negotiable.

I struggle to balance work, home, life, and marriage. My ex-husband decided he liked drugs better than us (me and my children), and I could not put my children through the abuse any longer. We did leave, but sometimes I fear not soon enough. I want to be clear, I am not for or against divorce; if you love your partner and want to work things out, I believe you should. I tried for over ten years. In my case, the drugs were the problem (police, money issues, moving every few months, and the fear of leaving my children with him alone)

Finding myself took time, work, and determination. I went to school a lot!… I have a few degrees, but I noticed they were all in the same field: psychology, sociology, child development, and family. I began working in child care and realized I was good at it. I should have done it all in my childhood. I went on to social work and realized I was answering questions and helping people make positive choices. I began working with nonprofits because I loved the idea of helping others who struggled as I did and knew they could overcome their struggles. I was on the streets of Los Angeles, with the homeless, in Chinatown with new immigrants (my grandparents were new to America as they were French Canadian), domestic violence shelters, homeless shelters, and residential care for children. In my life, Jesus was my saving grace. Raised Catholic, this was not a surprise to me or anyone. I found comfort, joy, peace, and love in my faith, my understanding of the Bible, and my communication with the Holy Spirit. I am not saying this is for everyone. I am not here to tell you what religion, sexual preference, or lifestyle to choose. I am simply here for you, and only you!

I may have gone through some things, but I have not gone through your situation. I may have suffered abuse, trauma, and helplessness, but I am not you, so I was affected differently. I appreciate your differences and accept them.

Knowing you and having the privilege of helping you in any way I can brings me great joy. I want you to know this is a safe place.