Scott had this dream after his mother passed. He told it to me and I wrote it down as he spoke. He says he does not remember most of it but I can let people know and read it. He wants people to remember his mother. He still sees her face daily, hears her voice, and struggles with the ‘why’.
With traumatic grief, we don’t always remember what we say, or things, events that have happened. I have tried to be his scribe to write down things he says on my phone or record his voice so I have an accurate account.
This is our story: his mother and my ‘daughter’ who we both love in different ways. Please understand if you don’t see her life or death as we do- that is normal. We all have different memories, emotions, and regrets
This was his dream:
I am 11 right now, and a man we know killed my mom. I don’t understand everything that happened, and I am very sad; it is like my heart is broken. My nana says: ” how do you feel?” I say: ” 20 out of 10″ while sobbing.
I thought my mom had left because we could not find her for five days, but she was not gone; she was dead. I have a lot to say now, and some are good, and some are bad, but all is what I feel, and my nana says I can tell how I feel because it is my feelings. It has been almost one year, and I am ready to talk.
I want to start with my dream, and I will tell you more next time.
Pictures below: fun with mom, my tooth feel out, I love you forever and always
My dream: I want to add this dream did not take the pain away, but it made me happy to know my mom was safe, happy, and not hurting.
I looked around, and I was standing in the green grass. It was warm and beautiful outside. The sun was shining. I looked and next to me was my mother. She took my hand and said: ” son, let’s walk” I nodded and said: “OK.”
As we walked, she said: ” Son, I love you, always remember I love you.
Me: ” I know, mom.”
“Son, remember to do your best; that is all you can do.”
Me: “OK, I will try.”
“Son, listen to your dad and your nana.”
Me: ” I will, mom.”
“Son, keep playing the violin.”
Me: ” Mom, where are we going?”
My mom did not say anything; we kept walking. She held onto my hands tightly and kept focused on the top of the mountain that I had just noticed.
I noticed it was getting colder, and I shivered. I looked, and the mountain had snow and clouds on it, but our path was clear, green, and lite. My mom took out winter coats and put them on me. She zipped it and smiled. She looked into my eyes and told me she loved me again? I said: ” I know, mom.”
We started to walk up the hill, she was quiet and a little sad. I thought, “Why is she sad? OH, I know she will not see me grow up, she won’t see me get old, she won’t get old” We kept on walking.
We stopped, and she pointed, saying: “Do you see him? Do you know him?” I looked and said: “yes, I know him.” She said: “You know Jesus?” I replied: ” Yes, mom, I know Jesus.”
The area got warm, and we took off our coats. (I am not sure where they came from or where they went)
Jesus looked at my mom and smiled, nodded, and walked to me.
My mom walked away into the clouds on my left side. She was gone for a minute, but I was not afraid because I knew she was looking around and would be back soon.
Jesus bent down to talk to me.
“Hi Scott, I have to take your mom with me today. She will have a home, some food, and not be sick anymore. You will not have to worry about her anymore. She will have a house where she can live. She won’t be hurting or sad.” Scott, you don’t have to be scared, you can tell the truth and the secrets you have held. No one will hurt her anymore.”
I wanted to cry, but I was so happy my mom would be happy and have a home. She would get to walk around, and no one would yell at her for walking in their grass.
I stood and talked to Jesus until my mom came back to us. I looked up, and my mom’s hair was down and curly like she is in the mornings. She smiled and came up to me, hugging me. I said:” where were you”?
She said: “I was walking and looking around… I love you, son. Remember to listen to your dad and nana. Try to do your best; remember that is all you can do. I have to go now, son. I love you.” She had tears in her eyes.
She turned and walked up the hill. I watched her walk away into the clouds and turned to see Jesus. He smiled and said I could go down the mountain now, remembering she was safe, had a home, and he did not have to worry about her anymore. He said, “you can tell your secrets now because it can’t hurt her.”
I started to turn around and walk down the mountain. I did not have a coat at first, but my coat was back on me as I walked. I turned around to see what was happening and see if I could see my mother. She was gone, but Jesus was walking backward, keeping his eyes on me as he walked back to his throne. His eyes were on me all the time. I could see my mom smiling at me and telling me she loved me. I started to walk down the mountain, and I woke up knowing my mother loved me and what she wanted me to remember.
This was my dream. I had it after my mother was killed. I don’t know what happened, but I tried to read the newspaper articles, but it was confusing. I know she is with Jesus. I still miss her a 20 out of 10, and my heart is breaking, but I know she is not hurting, she loved me forever and always, and I remember her smile.
Always in my heart, never forgotten, loved to the moon and back!