My mother passed away a few weeks ago. I told my nana it had been a long time, so I didn’t think I should tell people, but she told me it had only been a few weeks. I guess I forgot that. When I was told my mother had passed away, I really thought they were pranking me. I kept thinking about our last visit was at the library. She was so mad at the library people, and she spoke about my dad in an ugly way. I just knew they were pranking me because she was just gone. I thought she had left and just forgot to tell me, maybe she had lost her phone or something like that. I did not believe she was – you know- dead.
I kept thinking about the last visit and thought she left because I wanted a break from visits for a while. I thought it was my fault she was so mad, and she was taking it out on my dad, but my nana said: ” your mom knew taking a break was only for Wednesdays, so you could have more time on Saturday because summer is coming. Your mother loved you with all her heart, and she would never leave you or stop talking to you because you wanted a little break”. My nana also reminded me that my mom was planning on meeting us for Easter at Heartland Farms (she has the text saying ‘see you there), and her friends told my nana my mom was going shopping to buy me something for Easter.
I still did not believe she was gone (well, passed away gone) until the funeral service. I still wonder if she will just pop back up, and everyone has it wrong.
One night I had this dream, a good but sad one. When I told my nana, I cried but was happy-sad. Now instead of a 10+ sad, I am only an eight sad. The eight sad is all the time, and when I think of her, I want to cry, so I don’t think of her much. I told my poppy (great grandfather) I was sad, but I knew she was in heaven and not hurting; I did not have to worry about her having a house, food, or anything. This is the dream and the reason I am only eight sad. I have part of the dream here, but you can read the entire dream on the other page.
My mom and I were walking up a big hill. It started to get cold, and she had a coat for me; we put on heavy coats for freezing weather. Halfway up the mountain, we stopped and looked around, and I saw a man walking toward us and knew it was Jesus. My mom went to him, and they talked. She was smiling as she walked off. I was confused, so I asked Jesus what was happening. Jesus told me: “Your mother is with me now and she is not hurting or homeless. She has a home here with me. You do not have to worry about her not eating, having a home, money, or even being sick.” He hugged me and said: “I will take care of her”
My mother walked back to me and smiled- she has a good smile. I asked her where she was, and she said: ” I was walking around and looking at everything .” She started to walk to Jesus because his hand was out to her. She walked up the mountain, looked back at me, and smiled. I was sad but happy. I saw her go to her house and Jesus go to his throne. I walked down the mountain.
Now I know my mother is in heaven and not coming back. She is looking over me, and I think she protects me when I fall playing sometimes. I was playing outside and using the rollerblades she had bought me. I fell hard; I rolled over and flipped in the air. I was not hurt. I really think she is watching over me.
I do not want to go to her grave or talk about her to many people. I still get sad.
I just wanted everyone to know my mom loved me, and I believe she is in heaven with Jesus. I am sad, like a 20o out of 10. I don’t think much and will ‘zone’ out, but I need to try and remember her. Know her voice; remember her face, touch, and feel. I can’t seem to get my mind to understand she is really never coming back. Did I tell you I thought they pranked me, she was not really gone. One day I thought I saw her walking on Main street; I held my breath, hoping and wishing it were true. I remember the dream, so I know she is ok and in heaven.
My question is, why? Why would someone want to kill my mom?
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