Do You believe God prepares us for The Unthinkable?
I am not sure if you believe in the power of prayer or intercession. I do; I believe God prepares us for things we don’t understand and give us strength to endure. He helps us find grace, power, and focus in the middle of trauma. I know this to be true in my life; I also know he sends angels to protect or comfort people in their hours or minutes of need. I am adding this because Scott added his dream.
I can not say I understand or can wrap my head around what happened. I can’t even begin to know why it happened. I only know bad things happen, people get hurt, and the world is not perfect. If you know, something is not right and out of character for someone, begin to ask questions, search, and don’t stop until you have answers. If you feel a deep need to pray, pray. Each year we would plan Easter excitement.
This year was no different. Our plans were always for Easter events, egg hunts, and fun. Plans were made weeks ago for this event, the Hellocopter drop for Easter, and our supervised visit with Scott’s mother. I know she texted his father and me to let us know she would be there. We never thought otherwise as this is one of their holidays, meaning they go all out for Easter and have enjoyed it from his birth.
I watch Clouds while thinking about Easter and gathering everything for our supervised visit. I don’t know what is going on across the street, nor did I see the cost and ramifications of all it would entail.
As an intercessor and prayer warrior, I tend to have feelings and an urge to pray. At about 7.30 pm, I feel danger all around me during the movie. I look to see what is going on and begin to pray to ask God what is happening? I have an urgent need to pray. I begin to feel evil and danger but have no idea where it is coming from or what is going on to bring this feeling on. I begin to pray and cover the people I know with love and call Jesus to the situation. I begin to pray urgently, and I begin to cry. My cries turn to sobs and yelling: ‘No, no, no.’
I continue to cry with huge sobs and uncontrollably, more than the movie requires. I know in my heart something has happened, but I am not sure what it is. I begin to pray, and finally, the crying stops. I feel like I lost someone to the evil that came out of nowhere.
I finally get up and go to bed. Tomorrow is our supervised visit with Scott’s mother. We have to meet early, and I need to grab the Easter outfit he has picked out. He chose something bright with orange and blue. I get the camera ready and everything we need for our trip.
I smile as I think about all the Easter and Egg Hunts we have gone on over the last 11 years. Easter is one of their holidays and one they love to make a big deal out of. From the first egg hunt at six months to this one, we have gone to every Easter egg hunt they could find. We have been all over town, the area cities, and as far as Saint Louis.
Smiling, I remember all the Easter events and the excitement that goes with it from both Scott and his mother. We would take the bus and pull a wagon depending on the Easter Egg hunts. She would carry him smiling or push his stroller from one event to the next.
He was in the newspaper at age 1 for his wins, and they made a huge event out of every Easter celebration. He would go to places like the VA, city parks, church events, botanical gardens, and family BBQs. Each year a basket was filled, droppings or surprise letters for the Easter bunny, and new clothes bought with colorful shirts and shorts. Everything she had bought for him was carefully and strategically placed for him to find. He never lost the thrill and excitement of the holiday, still believing past time other children believed in this magical rabbit. He still had that excitement and tradition ready for our supervised visit on Saturday.
He bought an orange and blue spring button shirt with new kakie shorts for this visit. He was concerned his mother would not have the money to buy him clothes, so he used his allowance for this outfit.
Tickets bought and excitement waiting, he had no idea what I felt this night or what had happened across the street.
We were ready, we packed the car, and he had his Easter bag, new clothes, and camera ready. We pulled into the Event place but did not see his mother’s car. She usually is late, so we did not panic or become worried. The last visit was not good; however, she had texted to say she would be here and was excited. Again, this was one of their holidays. Anticipation started to rise in Scott as he saw the event’s activities. He called his mother, but there was no answer. He ran off to play.
He called a few more times and left a message asking where she was and when she would be here. No answer. He became distant and ran to the blob to get his frustration out. He played until they had all the kids line up for the egg drop by age. His excitement was evident as he laughed and spoke at a fast pace. When the Hellocopter came, he could not contain the enthusiasm and desire to have some ‘magic eggs’ dropped on him. The Easter bunny looked out of the helicopter and waved. His continued belief in this mythical character was still alive as he yelled, “nana, it is real, he is real, and he is looking at me” the boy next to me and I looked at each other when we realized he still believed. “Nana, is my mom here? Did she call?”
“No, I don’t see a call or text from her.“
He runs off to collect eggs.
He gave his eggs to a little girl who did not collect many eggs on the sidelines. After the egg dropped and the excitement was over, he realized his mother was not there. He was ready to leave.
We left, not knowing she had been murdered the night before.
When he tried to call her multiple times, I told him to stop, and she was not coming. He was angry, disappointed, and sad. I was numb. To be honest, I had no idea what I was feeling or what had happened; all I knew was some evil had taken place, and I was in deep sobs and horrific grief.
Scott calls his dad to tell him his mom did not show up and he will come home. His dad texts again to ask if she showed up or called or texted? We leave both disappointed.
As strange as it sounds, she never missed a visit without telling someone she was missing or going to be late. Not showing up for a visit was entirely out of her character. We were both concerned and unsure of what could have happened.
At this time, we are not sure what is going on. My heart sinks; Scott’s father is concerned, Scott is worried, and we still can’t reach her.
Later we found out she had been murdered the night before. She bought him gifts and clothes and had her ticket. She would never have missed this Easter event.
therapyeveryday.com 